I Regressed to My Ruined Family Chapter 185

#When I returned, my family was ruined (186)

“Ah… no.”

Ilya hurriedly lowered her head and said. Her face was as red as a cherry blossom.

Why can’t I remember?

The question I just brought up.

It was kind of unintentional. It would be correct to say that it came out naturally as I was in tears.

I was embarrassed.

It seemed like he wasn’t the only one feeling that way. Even the duke was unable to answer easily while staring at Ilya.

Ethan asked soon after.

“Do you want me to remember?”

“….”

I felt moved. Seeing him say something like that, it was clear that he was clearly aware of what happened last night.

But you’re trying to pretend like you don’t know anything and just slither away like it’s a water snake?

With what mindset did I act like that!

Even though he was completely drunk, he didn’t lightly touch his cheek with his lips.

‘…ah.’

Actually, it was.

Maybe he had feelings for the duke that went beyond a simple crush.

Although I have never been in a relationship, I have lived in a dungeon for a long time and read countless books. Math, geography, magic, history… I didn’t just read pure knowledge like this.

Romance novel.

It was her favorite kind of book. Among them, what I particularly enjoyed reading was a novel written about the love between a half-human and a human. People who are half-human are bound to be ostracized by society. The same was true for her, who was a mixed race between a doppelganger and a human.

In all my years of living, there have been few times when I have opened my heart. It was a time when everyone showed great courage.

Her mother always used to say.

Hide the fact that you are half human. Nothing good will happen to you if you tell that truth.

Every time I heard such words, a feeling of rejection arose in Ilya’s heart.

I didn’t want to live my life hiding my identity forever. Isn’t that a deception towards someone with whom you have established a close relationship?

What if you’re half human?

I had friends with whom I had been friends for a long time. I firmly believed that a strong friendship would not be broken down by racial differences alone. That was why he revealed his identity.

The results were disastrous.

All of her few friends left her side, and the teacher who laid the foundation for magic looked at her with disdain. I guess it’s a good thing that we didn’t start swearing because of the friendship we’ve built over a long period of time.

Everyone moved away.

Only then did Ilya realize.

A demigod is a being who is ostracized in human society to an extent that is unimaginable. To the extent that it feels burdensome to simply move on from intimacy alone.

To humans, she was nothing more than a monster with dirty blood.

What’s really funny is that such ostracism isn’t just an attitude seen in humans. Real doppelgängers that I encountered from time to time. The pureblood doppelganger treated Illia as an imperfect imitation.

I wasn’t loved anywhere.

No, there was only one person who gave me love. The only person who stayed by my side and gave me infinite love.

mother.

The unfortunate thing was that human life was finite. Her life, which was at least half made up of doppelgängers, was different from that of humans, who maintained their youth even after over 100 years.

Ilya’s mother passed away before he turned 20.

It was a time when my heart towards the world was completely closed. Only the blue mana coiled in her hands became her friend. A small cave was remodeled to create a laboratory.

Studying magic.

That alone became the meaning that supported her life. Since then, he has never revealed his identity to anyone in the world. Ah, Melaisis was the only exception. That old wizard happened to know his identity.

Ten years.

Twenty years.

Rumors about the cave slowly spread throughout the world. It was around that time that the fearless top came into existence. They offered a deal. It wasn’t a bad story for Ilya either.

Because it was impossible to be self-sufficient in materials in this mountain village forever. Wasn’t the reason he began traveling to several cities from time to time ultimately to supply necessary materials?

That’s how the transaction began.

The owner of the top, who came to visit a long time ago, closes his eyes and his son comes to visit, and his son’s son comes to visit…

A long time has passed. Her appearance also slowly began to age. Top and villagers. It was to express the passage of time as people began to see themselves.

Naturally, I was able to act like an old woman. Because I closed my heart, it was a lonely but not painful life. I thought I would live like that for the rest of my life. It certainly would have been so if I hadn’t heard one piece of news.

News that a certain merchant is selling a potion with amazing efficacy. As a production wizard, this was news I couldn’t just ignore. Great inventions have a tendency to be solved only when they are disassembled down to the smallest detail.

And I received a huge shock.

Herbal potion.

It was like an item created after digging into one’s own head and extracting knowledge. Could it be that the seller of the potion stole the research results? I knew it was a ridiculous idea.

But what can you do?

The results are so similar that it makes me think this way. Curiosity ignited. The back of the top was thoroughly dug out. It was then that I found out the name of the supplier.

Ethan Ardan.

I went to see him and was very shocked.

This was because he knew his identity as soon as he saw him. The fact that he is half-human has never been revealed to anyone since his mother passed away.

For a long time, no one recognized that he was half human. Except for one wizard. The wizard also found out by coincidence, but did not reveal his identity on his own.

But how?

Is it possible to immediately recognize that a doppelganger’s blood is mixed?

What was even more surprising was that despite discovering such facts, the duke did not hate himself. Ilya was more sensitive to such gazes than anyone else. That’s why I knew. When he first met him, the duke

was clearly showing a sympathetic look in his eyes. Like friends who played around a long time ago without knowing their true identity.

Even that bald old man gave me a confused look on the first day he found out about my identity. It was the first time in my life that I met gazes filled with pure affection.

So it was.

The Duke was captured by saying that he wanted to stay here. I also wanted to satisfy the curiosity that was beginning to well up about him.

Obviously, at first, I only had such a light heart.

How…

how did this happen?

Was it because he was starving for love with his half-human counterpart?

Maybe that wasn’t the thought.

Because the blood of a doppelganger was mixed, even though it lived longer than a human, it could not live forever.

One hundred years.

If more years pass, similar to what I have lived so far, then my body will slowly die.

That’s a time that even a transcendent person can’t endure. The rest of my life was not infinite. It was only after half a year had passed that I encountered a person like a peacock for the first time.

Will I ever encounter a human male like that again? It was clear that the possibility was not zero, but was slim.

I didn’t want to live lonely my whole life.

Maybe…

if it were that duke…

he might be able to accept me.

Wasn’t that the reason why I developed feelings that went beyond liking? In quiet silence, the cold wizard’s opposite sex was analyzing the reasons why he was attracted to the Duke.

okay.

This is not love.

It’s simply a heart that is starved for affection and longs for affection.

In fact, anyone would have been nice if only they had looked at me with warm eyes.

Because I was always lonely.

Aside from his mother, the only person who looked at him that way was the duke.

That’s why Ilya couldn’t think that her heart was pounding right now because of love. This was an act closer to begging than love.

I hope you remember me at least once more and keep me in your heart. Isn’t that why I acted like that yesterday when I was drunk?

Do you want me to remember what happened last night?

…I suddenly became afraid.

What does the Duke think of himself? What if all of this came from simple favor?

If you even hear a word of rejection.

Can you endure that misery?

It wasn’t.

If he were that kind of person, he would have blended into society long ago. He wouldn’t have gone around hiding himself wearing the shell of an old man.

“…no. “It was just a mistake.”

In the end, what she chose was escape.

Suddenly, my heart throbbed. At best, I did a little good.

I quickly became disgusted with myself for acting as if something had happened.

You know that.

A half-human is a being who cannot be loved.

You’ve been feeling it for a very long time.

Why did you act so stupid?

Do you really want that noble duke to feel love for his poor half-man?

There is someone who suits him better.

Sera Lee.

A great spirit master whose talent cannot be explained by simply saying he is outstanding.

His aristocratic behavior, appearance, and even wealth and skills. This was a woman who was ahead of him in every way.

If a duke is looking for a companion, it would be better to accept an excellent human being rather than a clumsy half-human.

By all accounts, it was the right choice.

I felt dizzy, perhaps because of the endless depression. He didn’t want to face the duke, at least not now. His questions were spinning around in my head.

Do you want me to remember you?

It was like…

I was asking myself if I really had to do that. I felt that way even more after I came up with the answer to the question.

okay.

The sense of distance was just this good.

A somewhat useful crafting wizard and his employees. It was also a distance that prevented each other from getting hurt. No, to be a little more precise.

It would be correct to say that it was a sense of distance that would prevent the wizard from getting hurt.

“Duke. “I’m going to sleep, so don’t wake me up.”

Ilya spoke gloomily and closed her eyes and used sleep magic. Under the Duke’s penetrating gaze, her mind gradually became blurred.

* * *

‘Awesome….’

Ethan scratched his cheek.

Actually, it was a question I asked half as a joke. At best, what on earth were you imagining when you asked such a question? The wizard’s pupils, who were looking at the ground, contained more than a dozen emotions in an instant.

Illya was seen with her eyes closed as if she had died.

‘No way, this guy…’

Does he like me?

My previous life was a life of struggle.

To the extent that thinking beyond just living day to day is almost a luxury. How could it be that I regret not having had one romantic relationship right before I died?

But this life was a little different.

No matter how insensitive he was, he had at least some sense of insight.

Sera Lee shows infinite kindness. Dorothy started her training at the academy.

Even Ilya, who showed strange behavior last night.

As long as I had a brain, I couldn’t not know. It was clear that these three were interested in him. If a child from another noble family had found out about this, they might have whistled and expressed envy, but in reality, that person only felt dizzy.

No matter how you look at it, now is not the time to waste time on such things.

At best, they had only recovered one kingdom, but threats were still lurking everywhere. It was not enough time to focus on self-discipline.

Moreover, decisively.

‘…What are you going to do if you look like this and say something like that?’

It wasn’t a concept of being ugly or lacking in appearance. However, isn’t there a minimum acceptable range for each person?

If he behaved like that with a face of someone in his early teens, there would actually be limits to his response.

At least this wizard should be aware of that fact.

Ethan looked at Ilia and sighed.