Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer? Chapter 180

Episode 180 So far (8)

“So are you going to give up?”

“…?”

“I know he had no expectations of us. Even if I think about it, I’m not a person worth expecting.”

Deathbringer was almost momentarily shocked by the Inquisitor’s words.

Indeed, that idealist can sometimes be more bitter than most pessimists. I don’t know what happened to my head.

“…Not to that extent. No, why on earth do you think that? “You’re not that incompetent?”

What he said in the first place… The true meaning of what he said was…

“Thank you for those words. But in that regard, you are better than me.”

Hearing the Inquisitor’s words, he lowered his head, unable to laugh or cry.

The Inquisitor doesn’t know. Why he had no choice but to give up the true meaning of what he said.

“No, I am… a meaningless person. “If our goals don’t match, I’m not worth being with… I’m that kind of person.”

“You…”

“And you too. “It probably ended up that way.”

“…?!”

Deathbringer suddenly remembered what the Archmage had said. The demon knight is avoiding him because he’s confused? In fact, there might be a part of your heart that thinks of him?

Yeah, that might be true. No, that would be correct.

Whether it’s hate or pity. Unless he developed feelings for him and wanted to keep him alive, what reason would there be for the Demon Knight to tolerate him? The moment the demon knight couldn’t bear to cut himself and dropped his blade, the reason for that expression on his face was if it wasn’t because of Jeong.

“Do you know that, San?”

But… but.

“Nari is more kind than I thought.”

Does the affection that made the Demon Knight tolerate him still remain? If the Demon Knight recognized it… why would there be any reason to leave it behind?

“…know. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to help the weak.”

“That’s not what I meant. “What I’m talking about is when he treats us normally.”

The demon knight is friendly. Yes, Deathbringer can be sure of that now. That person is kind. He was a very affectionate person who could not be hidden behind his harsh words, taciturn attitude, and harsh actions.

“He threatened to leave me behind if I got in his way, but then secretly extended his hand again when I was in danger of death. Even though they find us annoying, they don’t kick us out if we cling to them. “I think that’s Nari’s unique kindness.”

At the same time, he was a man who threw his life away for revenge. To borrow the words of the Archmage, he was a person who ‘wants to fight against the devil until the moment of his death.’

But… is kindness really worth it to such a person?

“And that kindness is probably the most unnecessary emotion for Nari.”

Is there anything as useless as affection for a man whose goal is to kill the devil and die at the end?

“Tenderness… why does it become an unnecessary emotion?”

“It’s in the way.”

Jeong grabs a person’s ankles and ties their wrists, and conventionally, they choke a person by covering their eyes, ears, and mouth. That was the kind of ‘affection’ that Deathbringer experienced.

Even though you’re sick of it, it makes you drive through life, it makes you unable to resist even though you have the power to escape, and at some point, it makes you die instead… that kind of feeling was ‘affection’.

“Normal people find comfort in kindness and find love… but that’s not what we do.”

This is a feeling that works even in ordinary families where there is no armed conflict at stake. But what happens when ‘affection’ blooms among those who are actually risking their lives?

I can assure you that nothing good will come of it. Sometimes it can lead to positive results, but usually it’s the opposite.

“That’s why I… am worried about what I should do, San.”

And when something like that happens, who will be more unhappy, them or the demon knight?

“If I stay still, the knight will likely die. Will I be able to save him if I reach out here? On the contrary, wouldn’t it only make it more difficult for me?”

Who will sacrifice more?

“Even I…”

…Why does the Demon Knight have to risk everything and give him affection?

He has a record of almost becoming a traitor after being attacked by a demon, and a record of attacking a demon knight as a result, and there are significantly few other helpful aspects.

“…Do I dare to reach out to you?”

The Inquisitor could not easily respond to the Deathbringer’s words. What is more right or better? There was so much she didn’t know.

“…I’m not sure.”

So the Inquisitor acknowledged it. What I didn’t know was what I didn’t know.

“But I don’t think what you said is an excuse for us not to try.”

That’s also why she answered. Deathbringer’s eyebrows furrowed.

“How do you know that’s the right answer?”

“I do not know. This is something I have never experienced or solved, so how can I know what the right answer is? But does that mean staying still is the right answer?”

“…If I moved too hastily.”

“So, is there a guarantee that the result of making a hasty move will be worse than the result of waiting quietly?”

The Inquisitor, wearing only leg armor, straightened his back with a clanging sound. In line with this, there is not a single shadow on the head raised for a moment.

“Of course, the result of doing something may be worse than the result of staying still. But can you see it? No, I don’t know. “I don’t know, so I’m thinking about it now.”

Instead, light overflowed.

“I do not know either. I’m trying to do it because I don’t know. Ignorance is not an excuse for me to give up, nor is it a justification for me to let go of the devil knight. In the first place, using ignorance as an excuse to run away is not my cup of tea. “It’s not my job to put a limit on something that won’t work without even trying it.”

A radiance that covered even the freckles and dark spots caused by sunburn overflowed over the bridge of her nose, cheeks, and neck.

“That’s why I won’t back down. “For me, inaction is more shameful than failure.”

Truly, Saennim was a stubborn and ruthless fool like no other in the world.

“And more than anything, I don’t want to leave the demon knight like this. Why did he have to suffer alone and die alone? Even if he doesn’t like it, I will fix him. “Patients should be sent to treatment centers and not left to suffer alone until they die.”

And he was a warrior.

As always.

“Besides, I am not trying to understand or sympathize with the demon knight! So it’s okay! “I just want to stand next to him, catch him when he falls, get help less often than I do now, and walk with him that way!”

“…I really am. What is it? “It’s a play on words.”

“Why is this a play on words? The Archmage said that the Demon Knight only spoke of sympathy and understanding. “Then if it’s not just those two things, it’s okay, right?”

“Are you really a fool or a genius pretending to be a fool? “I really don’t know.”

“…??”

“Oh, it’s okay. “What did I tell you?”

“What does that mean?!”

“It means exactly what you heard.”

Deathbringer straightened his crouched legs. The sunlight that streamed through the removed hood also streamed down on his skin.

“Still… Well, it’s good. It is true that patients should be sent to treatment centers. “For me, divine power is poison, so I won’t be able to go to a temple-affiliated treatment center.”

“I know that now.”

“…and you haven’t even apologized yet.”

“Do you have anything to apologize for? Why haven’t you done it yet?”

“…That’s right. “It’s difficult because I rarely apologize properly.”

“What’s so difficult about apologizing? “You just have to do it.”

“I guess it’s because I’m not as honest as you.”

More precisely, it was because I was afraid of the demon knight’s reaction.

“…is Nari hurt?”

“Him? well. “I have nothing to say unless I know what you did, but I can’t imagine him being hurt.”

“But…”

Deathbringer blinked at the Inquisitor’s words. I thought so too. So, I stabbed the knife without hesitation.

But looking back now…

“I must have been hurt.”

“What on earth have you done, you bastard?”

“…Maybe I’m the only one who has come to regard me as worthless, and not the entire group.”

“What have you really done, Mangjong!”

“It’s so noisy… It makes me want to die too.”

“Suicide is bad! Confess and repent!!”

“Fuck…”

* * *

I was so absorbed in reading for the first time in a long time.

As I was reading the book, I realized that the paper looked red. The sun had begun to set.

“…I’ll just leave.”

“yes yes? Oh, are you going?”

Ah, if I had known this would happen, I would have booked an inn in advance. I didn’t think that if I couldn’t stay in the temple, I would have to stay in an inn room.

“goodbye!”

If I go now, will there still be room? With that in mind, I turned away from the store owner to see him off.

Even though it was dinner time, I felt hungry in my stomach.

“Oh my, sir. “Are you here?”

However, while looking for an inn, I came across a dish that looked too delicious to pass up. It was a dish of stir-fried vegetables on bread.

“One vegetable.”

“wait a minute!”

My wallet suddenly opened.

“Now take it!”

“for a moment.”

I understand that bread is a part of a dish and also serves as a vessel, but for me, it fails as a bowl because it has powder on it.

So, I took the bread with stir-fried vegetables, holding the handkerchief I had bought earlier. The bread was so hard that even though it was filled with sauce, there was no sign of it becoming soggy.

Wasak.

The same thing happened when I carefully chewed the end. It wasn’t usually solid. If you don’t want your teeth to break, it would be best to eat them carefully.

“Goodbye!”

Crunch, rustle.

But it tastes good.

As I left the stall, I savored the taste of the stir-fried vegetables, which was more delicious than I expected.

The alternation of beets, cherry tomatoes, onions, and green peppers gave a crunchy texture, and the sauce soaked in them coated the tongue with umami.

To put it in the simplest way, it is truly delicious.

I guess I’ll have to buy one more before I leave the city.

“Brother, let’s go over there!”

“where? where!?”

“excuse me!!”

“Reya wait!”

“If you run too fast, you’ll fall!”

“Heehee! Come quickly… ah!”

Then, for a moment, a child walked by me and tripped over a rock.

My right hand moved forward reflexively and then stopped.

“Wow wow!”

widely! widely!

Meanwhile, the girl somehow held out her other foot as if trying to maintain her balance. However, the center of gravity has already shifted forward.

The child’s body completely collapsed.

Clap.

In response, I threw away the bread and stretched out my left hand. I thought there wouldn’t be enough time to pass it with my right hand.

Tup.

“What!”

However, in return, I was able to grab the arm of the child who was crawling over.

I slowly pulled the child’s body, which had been leaning forward, back.

“are you okay?!”

“Reya, it’s okay huh!”

“Thank you… hi!”

Additional children who appeared to be the child’s group came running and were very surprised when they saw me.

“I’m sorry….”

“Hey. “I’m an adventurer.”

“I’m sorry!”

No, you didn’t bump into me and I don’t really have anything to apologize for. Rather, I feel more sorry for not being able to help quickly due to personal feelings.

But it seems the children are already scared. I glanced at the children’s trembling bodies and continued on my way in silence.

“I’m going…”

“This is my first time seeing an adventurer so close.”

“Infinitely scary and cool….”

“Are you an adventurer? “Maybe you’re a knight?”

“article…!”

“Ugh!”

“what? why?”

“Someone ate just one bite of food and threw it away! “You’re a bad person!”

“omg! really!”

“Such a waste!! “If you’re going to do this, I’ll give it to you!”

“Wait a minute, I think I can eat this part if I shake it off…”

And then I turned right away.

I know the value of food, but guys, it’s not okay to eat food that falls on the floor!

“Throw away the parts that fell off, and only the inside of the bread…”

“Oppa, can I take this handkerchief?”

“handkerchief? What is this? It looks really expensive… huh?”

Was there a shadow on the round head? The children noticed this and raised their heads. My perfect cheeks turned pale.

“omg!”

“You can’t eat anything that falls.”

I first separated the bread from the children’s hands. The frozen children couldn’t even react. Clap. The bread returned to the floor.

handkerchief? It was just left in the girl’s hands. I also bought a spare handkerchief, so even if I don’t have one, I can buy it again. Just because I haven’t used it a few times, it’s not like I can’t give it to you.

“I’m sorry….”

“Don’t apologize to me.”

Separately, you guys, you don’t have to apologize to me, you have to apologize to your stomach. There are no hospitals here, so if something goes wrong, it would be difficult to fix it.

I exhaled weakly as I looked at the three children shaking. Seeing things the size of half of my body like that made me feel anxious.

“Follow me.”

“Hi!”

“I guess we’re going to get scolded…”

“Mom…”

I said, so what can I do? Some coincidences are meant to be. If I didn’t see it, I wouldn’t know, but if I saw it once, I had to do something.

I led the children to the street vendor where I bought bread earlier.

The children were trembling and the residents were staring, probably because they thought I was going to punish them, but that couldn’t be helped.

What should I do if my cancer looks bad and my mood is bad? It’s not like they’ll customize it again.

“Four.”

“Oh, aren’t you that customer from earlier?”

So rather than prioritizing it, I just waited for it to resolve itself.

A few coins left the owner’s hand, and three of the breads I bought were passed from the owner to the children through a glance.

“…?”

“Oh.”

“Uh… are you giving it to us?”

“Go now.”

I thought it would be better to have stir-fried meat rather than stir-fried vegetables, so I changed the contents so it would be good.

I left first, seeing the children hesitate and not understand the situation. I decided that the kids would feel more comfortable if I left.

Crack, clap, clap!

“Wow!”

Thump!

But my collar was caught. I glanced at the hem of my coat being pulled up.

A brown-haired girl was holding the hem of my dress.

“Thank you, adventurer!”

Messy hair, a mouth with round holes in it due to the loss of baby teeth on the top and bottom, puffy cheeks, and freckles sprinkled over a cute nose. Even handkerchiefs and bread held tightly in small hands.

A smile too precious to buy for a few coins filled my vision. It felt similar to the moment I witnessed the store owner and his younger brother arguing in a bookstore earlier.

A feeling that cannot be described in words made my heart ache.

“…chew it thoroughly.”

“yes!”

Still, that vague feeling is not bad. It feels much better. Today’s outing was a success.

“Bye adventurer, bye!”

“goodbye!”

“thank you.”

I swallowed the sadness that came over me.

“Demon Knight!!”

“…!”

And from behind, a voice that could not be confused rang out clearly.

“You agreed to spar, but why don’t you keep your promise!!”

It was Berserk.

“Ah, demon knight!”

“lily!”

Plus the Inquisitor and Deathbringer.

“Do you know how much we found!”

“If you are sick, get tested quickly. “Sparring is only fun if you are in perfect condition.”

“Nari… How are you feeling? Are you still in pain or something?”

I stared blankly at those who were smiling brightly or making a fuss while looking at me. No matter how I look at it, it doesn’t look like they are going to keep their distance like I had hoped.

“Let’s go back now, Demon Knight. “The wizard told me to bring him here immediately.”

“Comrade, let’s go quickly.”

“Okay, let’s go. That one. I have something to give you. “I also have something to say…”

Really, what on earth did the Archmage do? Did you fail to persuade at all? Even though I said it so blatantly?

Oh, or the Archmage didn’t convey it as is. Because the words were so strong.

Or…yeah. Maybe they just don’t listen. Berserk is openly my way, and both Inquisitor and Dev have a secretly rebellious temperament.

“Demon knight?”

“…You, comrade.”

It would be a lie to say that it wasn’t amazing or touching. Because it is very difficult to dislike people who approach you even if you push them away and reject them.

“Get out of the way.”

But… this is not what I want.

Yes, it’s something I shouldn’t wish for.

“Unless you want to break the news that you’re leaving the city.”

Me and them need distance.

Even if we walk the same path with the sole goal of seeing the ending, the distance is such that no matter what type of breakup happens, it won’t hurt us.

“Demon Knight….”

“Sir…?”

More explicitly, I either realize the meaninglessness of this journey and fall out of it, or die due to lack of ability while continuing the journey.

Either be killed by them as a demon.

What this means is that you need a business-like distance to avoid getting hurt at any moment.

Crash.

So I passed them by with the clang of gauntlets.

He never gave me a look or anything. I learned this a long time ago when I ended countless relationships without my own will, and there was no way to break it off as sure as indifference.

Then I suddenly realized that I couldn’t even make fun of the concept by saying things like lone wolf or black flame dragon anymore.

It became no fun.